NASCAR announced today changes to the Green White Checker flag procedure, and has also introduced something called the Over Time Line. I really do not want to get into all that. No longer is it simple enough to sit down and watch the race. We now have to know what a bunch of different lines on the track, with the exception of the most important of all lines on the track, the start finish line, mean during the race. Since NASCAR has to make things more convoluted than ever, I have a number of rules I would like to see NASCAR implement. Here they are:
1. The winner of the previous race will now have to run the following race with blackout strips across three quarters of the windshield in order to give the other drivers a better chance at winning.
2. Cars with even numbering will qualify by going the normal direction on the track, cars with odd numbers will qualify by going the opposite direction on the track.
3. Once the caution flag is displayed, if Darrell Waltrip has not enlightened the viewers on TV with some type of complete nonsense, NASCAR will instantly stop all the vehicles on pit road and allow the teams to work on the cars until such time that DW can figure some type of asinine thing to broadcast over the airwaves to show how stupid he really his.
4. Drivers making the race on a team that does not have a charter will be allowed to use rocket boosters on their cars once the leader is within two seconds of lapping them.
5. Mike Helton and David Hoots will have access to individual fuel cutoff switches for all cars in order to create havoc and chaos on the track to better the racing at all tracks.
6. If shall be a requirement that NASCAR, in their effort to officiate a race and to throw all common sense out the window, to find a way to clearly screw up any type of officiating decision in regards to the now numerous extra special lines that no one will have a clue how they work. The race cannot end until some type of controversy is created by an in race NASCAR officiating decision or ruling.
7. Matt Kenseth shall be allowed at any point in a race, when he is racing near Joey Logano, to throw anything out the window or off the car, much like the Mario Kart video game, in order for the viewing public to determine how good of a driver Joey is. NOTE: This advantage for Kenseth shall be passed onto any other driver should they completely destroy another driver’s car during a race as such determined that driver had at least a semi decent reason to intentionally wreck the other driver’s car. When such time arrives that this advantage be passed on, then a committee of no less than 878 random people will be convened secretly to determine should the advantage be passed on. This group of people can use any reasoning system they come up with to award the advantage, this includes battle to the death, tickle fights, no ifs ands buts or cuts, and rock paper scissors.
8. Teams may no longer use relief drivers should a driver not be able to complete a race. A random fan must be selected from the stands to step in and compete. This will allow new never discovered talent to be evaluated.
9. Drivers will be required to use the “F” word when describing the track, their crew chief, tires, their car, or other drivers at least 17 times during the race on radio communications. Should this requirement not be met, the driver will be shown on the position tracker, during the next race, on TV as Mr. Or Mrs. Goody Two Shoes.
10. Finally, who really cares about the winner of the race, the most points in the Chase Standings will be granted to 18th position.
Obviously, I made all of these up. With the rules that NASCAR is coming up with now, that’s I what I feel they are doing in meeting rooms. Make it simple and keep racing true. We do not need gimmicks and such. The three GWC was a fine rule, its too bad now that has to be jacked up.