Festivus 2012

December 23, 2012
by Lee

happy_festivusIt has been a long time since I have written anything on this site. There have been various reasons for that, but it is one of my favorite times of the year. It is that time of the year when we have wishes in our head for what we want to see under the tree. Well, that is nice and all, but today is the day for Festivus. Are you not sure what Festivus is, well that is not my problem. If you need to know more after you finish reading this article, Google Festivus and it will give you the whole story.

I want to start my Festivus with retailers. I will first say that I am sure I am not the first person who is pissed about what I am about to write about. I was in the grocery store self checkout line, and I hit the start button to scan my two items. What is the first fucking thing that the scanner asks for? Do you have a reward or value card? Like the mindless drones that we are, of course I have the card. I looked at my keys and realized I have like seven or eight of these card for various stores. It is absolute bullshit that we have to have a card so the store can track our purchases for what is their own marketing purposes. The store knows everything that I bought. It is also just annoying having all those cards on my key chain. For the marketing genius that came up with great idea, I give him or her a big fuck you.

While I am on the topic of marketers, what in blazes is wrong with the people who come up with the ideas for some of the commercials that are out there now. I see commercials for all different kinds of products and it makes me feel like the marketers out there think we are stupid. Car commercials, food commercials, toys, and everything else that can you could ever need or not need. There are always these people who are the perfect family or nearly a ten in the looks department. It annoys me that some ad executive sat through a meeting and actually decided this is going to be a good commercial. I personally would like to go to the board room and review these commercials with these dipshits and deliver the news that they are fired.

Drivers once again make the list of people who should not be allowed out of the house. You are driving down the road and see a person who is looking to get onto that road. The person keeps inching their car forward as you are getting closer. It is obvious that they cannot safely pull out onto the road in order to get up to speed in front of you. Now, the intelligent driver keeps their foot on the brake and waits. Notice I said intelligent driver, because most of the people in the area I live are not intelligent. They keep inching their piece of shit forward and get the bumper about three inches into the road and then stop. I end up having to swerve towards the oncoming traffic to avoid the dickhead that has pulled the car into the lane. If you cannot wait a few seconds stay home before you kill yourself or someone else.

Along with driving cars, if you cannot see over the steering wheel in the car, do not drive. Really not much else for me to say about that one. For some reason I feel these older drivers for some reason believe they are the only car on the road.

I recently got a couple of games for my son for the upcoming holiday. If you do not have any teeth, it is probably a good idea that you invest the $300 on some dentures instead of buying a gaming system. Just a recommendation from me. Might help that particular individual with their annunciation so their transactions do not take 45 minutes for the sales person to figure out what you are trying to say. This would have also saved me a bunch of time, instead my time was wasted and I cannot get it back.

Finally, to the old wrinkled grayed haired lady at the Wal Mart the other day, you know who you are and know what you did. If you are in line to pay behind me, or anyone else for that matter, and they open a checkout lane directly ahead of the line you are in, you offer the person who would be next in line to go to line B before you walk past them. This old bitch just threw her wrinkled ugly nose into the air and walked past me with her box of pots and pans. I stood there and thought how rude you are. I hope the butterfly effect got her and she burned herself and that new cookware she bought. It is not hard to be polite, but apparently I was below her class and it was fine for her to just blow right past me. I hope Santa gives her coal in her stocking this year for what she did.

I hope you have enjoyed my Festivus thoughts. Racing will be back on in the near future, and remember to check back on TroubleinTurnTwo.com for insight and thoughts on the NASCAR and some of the IndyCar season.