Festivus 2011

December 23, 2011
by Lee

In a special Festivus edition of troubleinturntwo.com, Lee has graced us with some “airing of grievances”.

“I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you’re gonna hear about it.”–Frank Costanza (aka Jerry Stiller)

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, I have been silent for a long time on the site for various reasons that I will not bore you with. It is time for me to once again bring you the annual Festivus article. With no fanfare or anything of the sort, even though there should be, happy Festivus and enjoy.

I am sick and ******* tired of seeing god **** car commercials with Santa Claus in it. I was not really aware that the big man at the North Pole worked for every car company out there. Somehow the holidays are supposed to make us want to waste more money on a new car. It is a damn play on our emotions that we should be buy a car during this time of the year. Guess what, I did not buy a car this year, perhaps the jolly fat man will leave me, and you, one on the driveway tomorrow night.

I have never figured out why this time of the year brings out more drivers with their head in their ***. Since the rip you off and make you spend more money than you even intended to Black Friday, drivers on the streets have been so ******* stupid that words do not describe it. I saw a dip **** driver pull right out in front of me from a stop sign just the other day. Let’s talk about the speed limit as well on our roads. I have a great respect for those with handicaps and wish it upon no one. What I want to know is why that every slow driver on the road has either a handicap license plate or one of those placards on their rearview mirrors? In one day I was behind at no less than four of these slow driving mother *******. You do not have to drive fast, but at least drive the speed limit.

The next person I find at any store shopping and talking on their cell phone, I am going to say nothing and take their cell phone and shove directly up their *** and then twist it. There is nothing more annoying then shopping at a store and you need to get something from the shelf and there is a person standing in front of the shelf gabbing on their phone. Yes, the ******* world revolves around you and no one else can penetrate the unyielding force that surrounds you. Better yet, my foot is going to come flying up Karate Kid style and knock every one of you ever lasting teeth onto the ******* ground. Leave your damned cell phone in your pocket or purse while you are shopping. If you have to take a call, get the **** out of the way of where others are shopping.

Why is it the only way you can laid over the holidays is to give the girl something with a diamond on it? Well, that is what the jewelry commercials would lead us to believe anyways.

I would also like to know why every charity out there believes that you have a never ending supply of money to freely give away. Look, there is nothing wrong with charities and if you are blessed to have a little bit extra, it is great to give to a good cause. What kills me is the hand extended out everywhere you go asking you to give. No one gives to me or anyone else that I know of. Do not advertise in grand fashion and leave the bells at home. If I want to give, I will research and determine what is important to me to give up my hard earned money.

I have come to the belief that 24 hour news channels should be shut down for the last two weeks of the year. I am tired of the news cycle and hearing how bad the world is and such. Tell those ******* to stop telling us what we should and should not believe, and to keep their opinion to themselves for a short period of time. We would all be better off for it in my opinion.

Contrary to what anyone might tell you, beer is good for you.

From all of us here at Troubleinturntwo.com, we hope that you have a great Christmas and prosperous 2012. We will bring you preseason coverage of the upcoming NASCAR season starting in January or early February. We are eagerly anticipating the 2012 racing season!

The Videos below show the history and shows you how to celebrate this holiday (I am very disappointed in you if you didn’t know this already)

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