Happy Festivus

December 23, 2010
by Lee

In a special Festivus edition of troubleinturntwo.com, Lee has graced us with some “airing of grievances”.  Edited and presented by your faithful site admin.

“I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you’re gonna hear about it.”–Frank Costanza (aka Jerry Stiller)

So with my travels over the last couple of days, and a couple of days off, I have some observations to share to bring out some smiles. If you see the need, feel free to share them on the blog.
Let’s start with holiday commercials.
I like how the car companies play on the bigger the gift the better it has to be aspect of the Christmas season. Lexus is the one who does this more than anyone. Kia is starting to do it now. Basically, you are to assume that you had a shitty Christmas if you do not wake up on Christmas morning and a new car is not in the driveway. We are also led to believe the car should somehow miracle its way into the room where the Christmas tree is located. It should also inside a giant box or 3/4 of the way covered with with a stocking. I guess that stocking is to ensure that the car does not get cold. Here is what I say. [redact]#@!~[/redact] you and your new car. I realize that we give gifts during Christmas, but playing on the bigger is better chaps my ass for some reason. What happens when you wake up in January or February and realize you can no longer afford the Lexus. Sorry you are shit out of luck.
Coffee.
Have you seen the Folgers commercial where the kid is coming back from West Africa. In case you have not, here it is:
Now, this next comment is not specific to coffee commercials, but holiday commercials in general. Why is it no[redact] #@!~[/redact]ing family in the commercials seems to know when their love one is going to be arriving home? He gets home and the bitch in the commercial says that the parents waited up all night for him. Perhaps they should have known what flight he was on and if it had been delayed. Also, no one seems to pick these [redact] #@!~[/redact]ers up at the airport. Nice family they happen to be. Make you pay for a taxi to get to the house. I just find it funny we accept this as some type of reality when viewing the ad on TV.
A comment from youtube:

If he’s coming home all the way from ‘West Africa’, you think someone would atleast have picked him up from the airport!

Any an even better comment:

They forgot to cut away and show him later that night cooking up heroine in the bathroom.

amyjb 2 weeks ago 12
One more as well:
Was she [redact]REDACTED[/redact] herself while he was pouring some Folgers in his cup?
ihityourcar 2 days ago 4
The Youtubers also referred to the sister as a 7. Interesting as well and a plethera of good comments that made me laugh. As Dave would say, she appears that she could take a [redact]REDACTED[/redact].
Hyundai has some ads out with carols in them.
Here is one of them:
I am just not sure how [redact]#@!~[/redact]ed up these commercials are. I feel like if I buy a Huyundai, some strange dude is going to pop out of the trunk and  blind me with snow in his hands. The commercial jumps so fast, I had to watch the commercial numerous times before I could even determine if the chick in the commercial is attractive or not.
Yes, that is the first thing I think about when I see a commercial. Like most guys, I am doing the what would I do to her given the chance if she is easy on the eyes. But again, we are suppose to buy cars during the holidays. You deserve to go farther into debt and it is the holidays, just do it and you will feel good about it.
I believe you discussed this last year with a gentleman at the Menards. Why is it during the holiday season that no matter what you are trying to look at, there is dumbshit standing in your way with a cart? At least seven times that I can think of since Friday afternoon have been at stores trying to look at something and someone is already there looking at the same thing. Now that is going to happen, I understand that. Why is it that it takes them five minutes to decide what they are going to do. They act oblivious to the fact that you are standing there waiting for them to decide and clear the aisle. Here is what I do in this situation. I park my cart away from people, stand away from directly what I am looking at, survey the area, pick up a product and move away, read the packaging if need be, and then move back in for something different if that is what is needed.
Here are a couple of other observations from the last couple of days of people who have lost their mind because it is the holiday season.
So I go to Krogers. I go through the self checkout lane. A lady has her three or four kids with her. I am scanning my two items, one that I had to wait two minutes to get while some dumb shit blocked every selection of peas trying to determine what they were going to buy. Reference my comment earlier. I look over, and the youngest child has climbed up the spot on the self checkout where you would put your groceries before scanning them. All I could think about was that people are going to put their groceries there and there is a child standing there. The parent was oblivious to all of this. Just laughing away. I kind of wanted to say do you think it is a good idea to let your kid stand there? Did not though, took my stuff and said in my head what the #@!~ is wrong with people.
After leaving Kroger, I went to Wendy’s to pick up some dinner for Beth. I am behind a large passenger van. Now, it did not appear to be a church or school van. My guess is the [redact]#@!~[/redact]ing Duggar family with their 100s of children were in front of me. While at the food pickup window, 20 something children run out of the restaraunt and pile into the van. The guy gets his bags of food, and then pulls forward. The problem is that he did not pull his huge ass van far enough forward so I could pull up to the window. I wanted to drive my car into the ass end of his van and push it out of way. I did not though. The manager was working the window, he called the guy in the van a moron. I could not have agreed more.
Why it is that all of the scaries come out this time of the year. Have you ever walked past a women who has her relatively new born child with her and just wondered who the [redact]REDACTED[/redact]? I had one of those moments today. I almost stopped and asked, but then the better judgment deal popped into my mind. I know that is not nice of me to think that way, but sometimes I cannot help myself.
Why do people lose all sense of being able to drive at this time of the year. Merging, they just stop like they have never gotten on the interstate before. Why do people drive 15 mph under the speed limit this time of the year? The super old who cannot even see over the steering wheel should just stay home.
Just saw another one:
You must be better if you drive an infiniti.
Merry Christmas! Hope you have enjoyed the rants.
I too would like to wish you Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Festivus, or happy whatever holiday or reason you want (take your pick).  I invite you too to air your grievances in the comment section below.
ps  We are still preparing a few end of year reviews and a some new features to kick off the count down to the “Centennial” Indy 500 Race in the coming weeks.
EDITED:  SOME WORDS AND/OR COMMENTS HAVE BEEN REDACTED UPON REQUEST 🙂

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